If there is a season in life more ackward for a woman than puberty and menopause combined it has to be the Kota Life Crisis. Especially if you are an African woman because for our people this pre-mid life crisis is just not acknowledged. It doesn’t exist. You not allowed to mess around like that, a whole grown up woman! No way!!!
The kota life crisis usually comes when you turn 30 and realise just how fast life is going. You feel like it’s passed you by completely while you were busy having fun and panic! It seems like “suddenly”
1. You are no longer “young” and your friends are more successful than you.
2. Your dreams no longer fit. You have outgrown them.
3. You have no idea what happened to all the money you earned so far!
4. If you are single you start to notice how your timeline is full of people all loved up, getting married, having babies.
5. Your peers own property and assets you used to laugh at as too adult.
6. If you are partnered, the kota life crisis can have you realising that you don’t really love the one you are with.
7. You wake up to how you have spent your 20s trying to be the perfect wife, in-law, mother, daughter, friend so much you haven’t done YOU at all.
8. Career wise you start to question the work you chose and hate yourself working too hard or too little.
Overall you start to regret a lot of things, ask yourself a lot of questions so much so that your life seems to suck more by the day. You lose your mojo.
Many of us go through the kota life crisis without even knowing it. Some deal with it by being more deliberate in living the life they want. Others fold to peer pressure and rush into relationships, jobs, debt etc. just so they too can say they have achieved certain milestones.
My own kota life crisis seemed to last forever and hurt really bad. I had a lot going for me but felt like I sacrificed my 20s for family and a career.
I resolved my kota life crisis by taking the time to re-evaluate my priorities and reinventing myself.
Now in my 30s I am being more picky about the choices I make and the life I am creating for myself. Instead of waiting for “mid-life crisis” I deliberately level up every so often.
It wasn’t an easy journey and the people pleaser in me tries to grab the steering wheel. I have banished her to the back seat and learnt to ignore her for the most part.
Life is short. Live the life you want.